As we approach the new year, the messages around us shout for external goal-setting and aggressive achievement-planning.

I want to offer you a different entry point into the process of closing out the last year and beginning a new one.

Instead of focusing on what’s wrong with you, what you should be doing better, and what more you need to do and achieve, I invite you to set not another New Year’s Resolution – a goal to be achieved – but an intention.

Here’s the radical part. 

What if your intention was for self-acceptance and love? Self-acceptance might feel a little bit radical in our traditions of self-criticism and self-development. I once imagined that if I accepted myself as I was, I’d never change in the ways I need to change. By “need” I’m referring to whatever we think we need to do to be acceptable: lose weight, attain a work benchmark, find a relationship, exercise more, etc.

But the opposite is true.

When we accept ourselves as we are in this moment (which is the only moment and the only self that exists, after all), we open up the space to grow and change more organically. We stop blocking the flow of creativity with our own self-flagellation.

It’s a paradox. When we allow what IS, then it is able to shift.

I’ll set the scene: You may have read last week’s missive called, “The Spirit of Christmas.” In it, I recounted an intention I’d set several years ago to find a sense of worthiness after giving up on romantic love. I meditated while imagining a column of light shining on me, representing an unconditional, divine love. Over time, I began to feel easier with myself, gentler. My symptoms lessened. And I began to believe that I was, indeed, lovable and even loved, by what or whom I didn’t need to know.

Yep, the belief came after the intention and the practice.

It was so fun I thought I’d add a twist. 

On New Year’s Eve, 2015, I set an intention that I would love myself in the same way that I felt loved by the divine: unconditionally and without limits.

It was waaaaaaaaaaaay more challenging than I had anticipated.

Initially, I attempted to start with my divine love meditation (imagining that column of light) and tried to shift into accepting myself from within.

My own reaction surprised me: I got so jumpy I couldn’t stand it. I felt embarrassed and freaked out and completely uncomfortable with the idea of unconditional self love and acceptance. Was it creepy? Selfish? Was it even allowed? 

It took some experimentation, some trial and error. The results were even more tangible than before.

Self Acceptance and Love

Sit in a quiet room and set a timer for 5 minutes. {Five minutes was all I could handle at the beginning.}

Start the timer and take three deep breaths, with nice easy exhales.

Imagine holding something or someone you love so much your heart could burst: a puppy, your son or daughter, something or someone innocent and sweet, maybe. Allow that love to fill your heart to overflowing.

Now, imagine transferring that feeling of love and adoration on to your own baby self.

This may be enough when you begin this meditation. As you practice, begin to transfer this love of your baby self to your toddler self, or child self, all the way up to your grown-up current self. It could include your body, your actions, your thoughts, any and every element of you, as you practice over time.

This practice might provide instant relief, or it might take awhile to accumulate. I encourage you to give it some time.

During the years that I’ve practiced radical self-acceptance, I slowly began experiencing internal reinforcements of the work: I felt more relaxed, experienced far less pain, and I began to integrate a new sense of lightness, ease and worthiness. My creativity began to flow, once again! I could work with more focus.

Then the external reinforcements started showing up. As my energy grew, my business began to grow, too. Goals I would have set as New Year’s Resolutions were attained with far less effort – and sometimes none at all – than I’d previously imagine. I became well enough to offer my first mindfulness nature retreat in Glacier National Park, which is now the highlight of my year.

And get this: On day seven(!) of my Self-Acceptance and Love practice, a guy I had been seeing called me. I was surprised; I thought we had said goodbye when I’d gone to Arizona for the winter. (I’m from Montana.) He said, “I think we should give this relationship a real chance, and I will move to wherever you are.” We’ve been together ever since. I feel more radically loved and accepted than ever before.

As I mentioned, part of my discomfort with this focus on self-love at the outset was a fear that it was selfish and self-centered.

But what I’ve found is that this radical acceptance of myself has allowed me to love others beyond what I had been capable of previously.

My invitation to you in 2019 is to give yourself the gift of radical love and acceptance – just for you, although you might then find yourself accepting others in even more abundance. And who knows what you’ll be able to do with all that extra energy and creativity you’ll experience. I can’t wait to hear about it.

Happy New Year!

Jennifer

p.s. Since that intention I set in 2015, I’ve heard many stories of amazing things happening to others as a result of self-acceptance and love. My favorite is that of the most medically documented spontaneous remission in history. If you’re interested, you can learn more about Anita Moorjani’s experience at https://anitamoorjani.com/ or in one of her New York Times bestselling books. My favorite is “Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing.” Transparency: if you purchase following that link, I’ll receive a few pennies’ commission.