Like many of you, I’ve lost a lot of loved ones in the last few years. I return to several resources, again and again, to explore grief and how to better process the feelings of loss that come with it.

Everyday Magic

One long standing go-to book to remind me that there are possibilities beyond explanation? Expecting Adam. My sister gave me this book during the darkest time of my life. It gave me so much hope. My former teacher, Martha Beck, attended graduate school at Harvard while pregnant with her son, Adam. After learning All of her assumptions about the meaning of life and love unraveled. Furiously funny even when writing about painful events, Martha’s own skepticism validated mine as she experienced deep intuitions and angels’ visits. Her story helped me open my heart to something beyond reason and intellect and that we can scientifically prove.

Near Death Experience

Martha also introduced me to Anita Moorjani. After fighting cancer for almost four years, Anita’s body began to fail. In her book, Dying to Be Me, she described her extraordinary near-death experience (NDE). While her body lay dying, she spoke to her dead father and experienced infinite love and acceptance. Upon regaining consciousness, her condition improved rapidly. Within weeks she had no trace of cancer in her body. All this happened in the hospital, so hers became the most medically documented spontaneous remission in history. Her remission story is extremely inspirational to me, but her NDE gives me endless comfort as I face grief, loss, and contemplate death.

I know this stuff is woo, so I completely understand if you’re skeptical. I was, too, big time. And still, reading these stories reassures me and allows me to feel more expansive and hopeful.

If you haven’t read “Dying to Be Me” or “Expecting Adam,” I’d be happy to loan them to you.

End of Life Visions, Dreams, Behaviors, and Language

Another amazing source of comfort is the work of Dr. Martha Jo Atkins, who I met at one of Martha Beck’s events. Martha Jo is a death and dying educator. Her research includes the visions, dreams, behaviors and language humans engage in at the end of life. Also available to loan from my library? Her practical guide to the astonishing inner world of those in transition, Signposts of Dying. Terminally ill patients, their families, and their caretakers – or anyone who might ever be in one of those roles or facing grief and loss – will benefit from this inspiring and thoughtful guidebook.

Just today I learned Martha Jo gave a Tedx talk in 2013 called “More to dying than meets the eye”. It’s absolutely lovely. I hope you’ll take a few minutes to watch it.

Prayer

I’m no expert on religious prayer and there are myriad resources available elsewhere on that topic, so I won’t address it here. But prayers aren’t the domain of religion, only, are they? Anyone can pray, any time. I think those prayers are especially helpful when experiencing grief and loss.

Pixie Lighthorse is a member of the Choctaw Nation of Oklahoma and the author of the Prayers for Honoring Series. My friend, Elsa, gave me Pixie’s Prayers for Honoring Grief. I’ve loved learned about our friend, grief, through her lens. Pixie writes that grief is your humble assistant. You should plan for it. You’ve been carrying it all your life. Her book provides a series of prayers, offering guidance and language to honor grief and pain of all kinds.

We are so often cultured to “get on with it” but making a friend of loss, that inevitable experience, allows us to move through it and touch into the hidden wisdom within the grief process.

What are your favorite resources? What would be most helpful to you as you experience grief and loss? Please let me know in the comments. And please reach out if you need support. I’m here for you.

Edited to add:

I received some wonderful suggestions when I asked my circle for additional resources. Please keep them coming! In the meantime, here’s what you’ve all suggested, so far:

John O’Donahue’s book of blessings, To Bless the Space Between Us.

Consolations, The Solace, Nourishment, and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words, by David Whyte.

Change Me Prayers: The Hidden Power of Surrender, by Tosha Silver.

Walking Each Other Home, Conversations on Loving and Dying, by Ram Dass.