Happy Thanksgiving! We all know the holidays can be stressful. We bring our anxieties, expectations and political leanings to the table (along with our appetites), and things don’t always go smoothly.
My holiday survival guide will help you survive the holidays, gracefully.
What’s your highest intention for the holiday gathering?
I ask this question of every client who’s facing any kind of problem. Often, we’re so enmeshed in the challenge that we haven’t held a moment to envision a positive outcome.
Spend a few moments really soaking in the positive energy that comes from envisioning the ideal outcome for your holiday celebration. I find for myself that I’m more likely to behave with integrity when I do this exercise first!
Think about your own needs and how to reward yourself
Ahead of time, schedule activities you know you’ll enjoy: a manicure, a coffee date with an old friend, a walk with your dog. If you’re an introvert, be sure to plan some alone time! This can be ducking into the bathroom for 5 or 10 minutes during a long holiday party. Or, volunteer to pick up dessert or run errands the day before or the morning of the big event.
If larger events tend to feel stressful for you, figure out how to create your own “sub-party” – engage a family member in a more intimate conversation, or wander into the den or the basement (as long as they’re open party spaces) away from the larger crowd. You might run into fellow introverts, or you can browse your host’s bookshelves, or hang out with the kids and watch Frozen (again).
Play “Dysfunctional Family Bingo”
I learned this little game from my teacher, the inimitable Martha Beck, Ph.D.
Most of us face at least a little bit of family dysfunction, so while I recommend setting your highest intention, it also makes sense to be prepared for some craziness. If you do it with a sense of lighthearted fun, that can remove some of the sting!
On a piece of paper, draw a grid that’s 4×4 or 5×5 squares. In each square, write down something that you dread happening: Uncle Barry hits on me at dinner. Aunt Marjorie makes a racist joke. Mom spills a glass of red wine. My toddler throws a sugar-induced tantrum.
If the event happens, you get to mark a square on your bingo card!
Plan a reward for yourself for each time you mark a square, a line, or a whole card. (Or consider playing with a friend – then you might just be happy when your holiday is crazier than theirs!) So when Uncle Barry drinks too much scotch and puts his hand on your knee, remove his hand (from you knee, darling, not from the end of his arm – that knife is reserved for the other turkey) and excuse yourself to go mark off your bingo square.
I hope you find this Holiday Survival Guide helpful and I wish you and yours a beautiful (or, at the very least, amusing) Thanksgiving week!